Helpful Hints for the Inexperienced Traveler:

    * Be very suspicious if the advertised price of a Caribbean
    cruise includes the phrase "Free Ammo"

    * There is no legitimate reason for a travel agent to need to
    know if you have experience in jungle warfare.

    * Do not board a cruise ship if passengers are being issued
    oars.

    * Legitimate travel agents do not dress in foreign military
    uniforms.

    * In South America, say no to anyone wanting you to deliver a
    suitcase of powdered sugar to their grandmother in Miami.

    * Consider very carefully visiting a country where the
    license plate motto is "Die American Pig"

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