The Odd Court

People actually said these things in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters - who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. Some of these are excellent - don't miss the last one.
The names have been changed to protect the innocent, and the very stupid.


---

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.

Q: What year?
A: Every year.


---

Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.


---

Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.

Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.

Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?


---

Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.

Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.


---

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"

Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.


---

Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
A: We both do.

Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.

Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.


---

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?


---

Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?


---

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?


---

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.

Q: And what were you doing at that time?


---

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.

Q: How many were boys?
A: None.

Q: Were there any girls?


---

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.

Q: And by whose death was it terminated?


---

Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.

Q: Was this a male, or a female?


---

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.


---

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.


---

Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.


---

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?


---

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.

Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.

Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.

Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.

Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

Q: But could the patient have still been alive, never the less?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

Back to the funnies!